also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
