Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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