Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
