if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
