you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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