you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
