If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
