Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
