He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk is a universal language darling
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
