and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I have demons in me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
