Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
