Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
