Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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