I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
