trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
