I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
