my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We don't watch enough power rangers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
