you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
