well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
