I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
