speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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