They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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