I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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