he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
