You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
