Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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