So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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