Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
your room smells of hookers.
And success
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
And then he peed in my hair
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