This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
