i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
