Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
