The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
