Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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