Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
