nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
