mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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