You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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