He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
