Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
