you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
