did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
