my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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