You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
