Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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