I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
