I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
