Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
