There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
