I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
