Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
