A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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