I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
