my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
